The cycle of abuse in domestic violence typically involves four stages:
The cycle often repeats itself, with the tension-building phase gradually escalating to the acute or explosive phase, followed by a period of apologies, promises, and temporary peace, before the cycle starts over again. It is important to note that not all abusive relationships follow this exact cycle, and there can be variations in the patterns of abuse.
The cycle of abuse is often insidious, and before it begins, an abuser’s behaviour may not necessarily be abusive or violent. They may appear to be charming, kind, and loving towards their partner or family members. This is often referred to as love-bombing.
Love-bombing is a manipulation tactic used by some individuals to gain control over another person. An abuser will often use this tactic for the first couple of months after meeting the victim.
It involves showering someone with excessive attention, affection, and compliments in a short amount of time in order to make the person feel special and loved. The love-bomber may use this technique to quickly establish a strong emotional connection with the person, gain their trust and loyalty, and ultimately use it to control their thoughts and behaviours. Love-bombing is often associated with abusive or controlling relationships, but it can also be used in other contexts such as cult recruitment.
Not all abusers exhibit the same behaviours, and some abusers may be more overtly abusive or violent from the beginning of the relationship. It’s important to recognise that early signs of controlling behaviour, manipulation, or possessiveness can be warning signs of potential abuse, and to take these signs seriously and seek help if necessary.
The tension-building phase is the first stage of the cycle of abuse in some abusive relationships. In this phase, the abuser may become increasingly irritable, critical, and controlling, which creates a sense of anxiety, fear, and the feeling of walking on eggshells for the victim.
The victim may try to appease the abuser or avoid doing anything that could trigger their anger, but these efforts are usually unsuccessful, with tension and anxiety continuing to escalate. The tension-building phase may last for a few days, weeks, or even months, and it often leads to the next stage in the cycle, which is the acute or explosive phase, where the abuse becomes more overt and violent.
The acute or explosive phase is the second stage of the cycle of abuse in some abusive relationships. In this phase, the tension that has been building between the abuser and the victim reaches a critical point, and the abuse becomes more overt and violent.
The abuser may lash out verbally, physically, or sexually, causing harm to the victim. The victim may feel helpless, scared, and traumatised by the abuse. The acute phase may last for a few hours or even days, and it may be followed by a period of calm or reconciliation, where the abuser may apologise, promise to change, or make excuses for their behaviour.
The reconciliation or honeymoon phase is the third stage in the cycle of abuse in some abusive relationships. In this phase, the abuser may apologise, make promises to change their behaviour, or engage in other behaviours that are meant to reconcile with the victim. The abuser may also shower the victim with affection, attention, and gifts in an effort to make up for the abuse and gain the victim’s trust and forgiveness.
The victim may feel relieved by the abuser’s sudden change in behaviour, and may hope that things will improve in the relationship. The abuser’s behaviour during this phase is often manipulative and short-lived, but can be convincing enough to make you believe they will change.
The calm or normal phase is the fourth and final stage of the cycle of abuse in some abusive relationships. In this phase, the tension and conflict between the abuser and the victim subside, and the relationship may appear to be peaceful and harmonious. The abuser may behave in a loving and respectful manner towards the victim, and the victim may feel relieved and hopeful that the abusive behaviour is over.
However, just like the other phases, it is important to note that the calm phase is often temporary and is typically followed by a return to the tension-building phase, starting the cycle over again. It’s also important to recognise that the calm phase is not necessarily a healthy or safe phase in an abusive relationship, and seeking help and support from a trusted source, such as a counsellor or domestic violence hotline, is often necessary to break the cycle of abuse.
The cycle of abuse in domestic violence is a complex issue, and there is no single cause for it. Abuse can be caused by a variety of factors, including individual characteristics, family dynamics, cultural and societal norms, and personal and social stressors.
Abusers may have a history of abuse or trauma, struggle with anger or control issues, or have beliefs that support their abusive behaviour. Victims may have low self-esteem, lack support systems, or have financial or social dependence on the abuser. Societal factors such as gender inequality, discrimination, and cultural norms that condone violence may also contribute to the cycle of abuse. It’s important to recognise that while there may be factors that contribute to the cycle of abuse, the abuser is always responsible for their behaviour, and no one deserves to be abused.
In many cases, domestic/family violence is driven by gender inequality, which can result in men feeling entitled to control and dominate their female partners or family members. This can include using physical violence, emotional abuse, sexual violence, and other forms of coercive behavior to assert power and control over their partners.
Women are more likely to experience family violence and intimate partner violence than men, and they are more likely to experience severe forms of violence, including sexual violence and homicide.
The gendered drivers of men’s violence against women are the factors that most consistently predict this violence at a population level, and explain its gendered patterns. Violence against women is not caused or determined by any single factor. But as the number of relevant factors and their degree of influence increases, so does the probability of violence against women.
These factors are termed ‘gendered drivers’ because they arise from gender-discriminatory institutional, social and economic structures, social and cultural norms, and organisational, community, family and relationship practices that together create environments in which women and men are not considered equal, and violence against women is both more likely, and more likely to be tolerated and even condoned. Within this context, the following expressions of gender inequality have been shown in the international evidence to be most consistently associated with higher levels of men’s violence against women:
It’s important to recognise that family violence is a complex issue, and that addressing gender inequality and promoting gender equity are important steps in preventing and addressing family violence.
While each woman’s experience of violence, abuse or harassment is unique, there are distinct gendered patterns in the data that point to an epidemic of violence against women in Australia, which, like that in the rest of the world, is gendered in nature, and overwhelmingly perpetrated by men.
