Narcissism is a personality trait, but not everyone with this trait has narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissism is a personality trait characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. While narcissism can be a normal and even healthy personality trait to some extent, it can become problematic when it interferes with a person’s ability to function in their daily life or negatively affects their relationships with others.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), on the other hand, is a diagnosable mental health condition characterised by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others that causes significant impairment in various areas of a person’s life.
How is NPD diagnosed?
To be diagnosed with NPD, an individual must exhibit five or more of the following symptoms:
- A grandiose sense of self-importance
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Belief in their own specialness and uniqueness
- A constant need for admiration and attention from others
- A sense of entitlement and expectation of special treatment
- Exploitation of others for personal gain
- Lack of empathy and disregard for the feelings of others
- Envy of others or the belief that others are envious of them
- Arrogant or haughty behaviours or attitudes.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious mental health condition that can significantly impact a person’s ability to function in their personal and professional life. It requires professional diagnosis and treatment from mental health professionals, such as psychotherapy or counselling.
Things a narcissist might say
Below are some examples of things that someone with narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder might say:
- “I’m the best at everything I do. No one can do it better than me.”
- “Everyone always wants to be around me because I’m so amazing.”
- “I deserve the best of everything. I won’t settle for less.”
- “If you don’t agree with me, then you must be stupid or ignorant.”
- “I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I know I’m right.”
- “I’m so attractive and charming that people can’t resist me.”
- “I’m not like everyone else. I’m special and unique.”
- “People are always jealous of me and trying to bring me down.”
- “I’m always the one who saves the day and gets things done.”
- “I’m a natural born leader. People just naturally follow me.”
These types of statements reflect an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others, which are hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder. It’s important to note, however, that not all people who make grandiose statements like these have NPD, and a diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health professional.
How does someone with narcissistic personality disorder behave in a relationship?
People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can behave in a variety of ways in a relationship. Here are some common patterns that might be seen:
- An initial charm offensive: People with NPD may come across as charming and charismatic at the beginning of a relationship. They may seem like they are perfect and can do no wrong, which can make the other person feel special and adored.
- Need for admiration: People with NPD have an insatiable need for admiration and attention. They may expect their partner to constantly praise them and validate their self-worth, and they may become angry or upset if they don’t receive enough attention.
- Lack of empathy: People with NPD often have a difficult time empathising with others, including their partner. They may not be able to understand or acknowledge their partner’s emotions, and they may be dismissive or critical of their partner’s feelings.
- Control and manipulation: People with NPD may try to control or manipulate their partner to get what they want. They may use guilt, shame, or other tactics to make their partner feel like they have to do what they say, and they may become angry or vindictive if their partner resists.
- Entitlement: People with NPD may feel entitled to special treatment and privileges in the relationship. They may expect their partner to always put their needs first, and they may become angry or resentful if their partner doesn’t meet their expectations.
- Lack of boundaries: People with NPD may have difficulty respecting their partner’s boundaries. They may invade their partner’s personal space or privacy, and they may become angry or upset if their partner tries to set limits.
- Blame-shifting: People with NPD may have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions. They may blame their partner or others for their problems or mistakes, and they may become defensive or angry if their partner points out their flaws or mistakes.
It’s important to note that not everyone with NPD behaves in the same way, and a diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health professional. However, these patterns are common among people with NPD and can make relationships with them very challenging.
What should you do if you think your dating a narcissist?
If you suspect that your partner may have narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic tendencies, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself and your well-being. Here are some things you can do:
- Educate yourself: Learn more about narcissism and NPD, so you can better understand what you’re dealing with. This can help you develop strategies for coping with your partner’s behaviour.
- Set boundaries: It’s important to set clear boundaries with your partner and stick to them. This may involve setting limits on how much time you spend together or what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate.
- Communicate effectively: When talking with your partner, try to use “I” statements and avoid blaming or accusing language. Focus on your own feelings and needs, rather than trying to change your partner.
- Seek support: It can be helpful to talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about your situation. They can offer emotional support and help you develop coping strategies.
- Consider leaving the relationship: In some cases, the best option may be to end the relationship. If your partner’s behaviour is causing you harm, it may be necessary to prioritise your own well-being and safety.
- Don’t engage in power struggles: Narcissists thrive on attention and power, so it’s important not to engage in power struggles or arguments with them. Instead, try to remain calm and composed and focus on your own goals and needs.
- Use “I” statements: When communicating with a narcissist, try to use “I” statements and avoid blaming or accusing language. Focus on your own feelings and needs, rather than trying to change the narcissist.
- Stay grounded in reality: Narcissists may distort reality to suit their own needs or goals. It’s important to stay grounded in reality and not get caught up in the narcissist’s delusions or fantasies.
Remember, dealing with a partner who has NPD can be challenging, and it’s important to prioritise your own well-being and safety. If you’re struggling to cope with your partner’s behaviour, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support and guidance.
What effect does narcissistic abuse have on people long term?
Narcissistic abuse can have long-term effects on a person’s mental health and well-being. Here are some common effects that people who have experienced narcissistic abuse may experience:
- Low self-esteem: Narcissistic abuse can make a person feel as if they are not good enough, unimportant, or inferior. This can lead to a low sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
- Anxiety and depression: People who have experienced narcissistic abuse may struggle with anxiety or depression as a result of the abuse. This can include symptoms like panic attacks, social anxiety, or feelings of hopelessness or despair.
- Trust issues: After being in a relationship with a narcissist, a person may have difficulty trusting others, especially in romantic relationships. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
- Difficulty setting boundaries: People who have experienced narcissistic abuse may struggle with setting boundaries and asserting themselves in relationships. This can make them vulnerable to further abuse and mistreatment.
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): In severe cases, a person who has experienced narcissistic abuse may develop PTSD, which can involve symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, and avoidance behaviours.
- Feelings of guilt or shame: Narcissists often try to make their victims feel responsible for their own mistreatment. As a result, people who have experienced narcissistic abuse may feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened to them.
It’s important to note that these effects can vary in severity and duration, and not everyone who experiences narcissistic abuse will experience all of them. If you’re struggling with the effects of narcissistic abuse, it’s important to seek support from a mental health professional who can help you process your experiences and develop strategies for coping and healing.
How do you heal from narcissistic abuse?
Healing from narcissistic abuse can be a long and challenging process, but there are steps you can take to begin the healing journey. Here are some strategies that may be helpful:
- Educate yourself: Learn more about narcissistic abuse and the behaviours associated with it. This can help you understand what you have experienced and help you feel less alone.
- Find a support system: Seek out supportive friends, family members, or a therapist who can help you process your experiences and provide emotional support.
- Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential in the healing process. This can include activities like exercising, getting enough sleep, practising mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies that you enjoy.
- Set boundaries: Setting clear boundaries with people in your life is important to protect yourself from further abuse. This may include limiting contact with the narcissist and others who may have enabled the abuse.
- Consider therapy: Therapy can be a powerful tool in the healing process. A therapist can help you process your experiences, develop coping strategies, and work through any underlying mental health issues that may have been exacerbated by the abuse.
- Work on your self-esteem: After experiencing narcissistic abuse, it’s common to struggle with low self-esteem. Practising self-compassion and positive self-talk can be helpful in rebuilding your sense of self-worth.
Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse is a process and everyone’s journey will look different. It’s important to be patient and kind to yourself, and to seek out the support you need to help you on your journey to recovery.
